When Funny Shit Happens to Stupid People

When Funny Shit Happens to Stupid People

So I sound horrible for typing that line, I will admit it. It is really funny though when people who lack common sense decide to do something and there is nothing but entertainment waiting. It is hysterical, truly good stuff. Frequently it is so good that it is like watching a movie. Being a horse trainer I have people tell me all sorts of stories. My uncle had pookie bear at his farm and we would gallop, or my favorite is well my sister got thrown when in reality pookie bear was cantering and your dumbass sister fell off because pumpkin looked at a squirrel.

These people either have one of two approaches. They either think I really am interested (sometimes I am if I like you otherwise I don’t give a shit) or they think I don’t know what I am talking about because at 26 what do I know? I mean I wasn’t privileged growing up having an $80,000 jumper thrown at me to go show at Devon. However I worked hard, went to school, rode anything and everything thrown at me and have worked for Olympic level Dressage and Jumper trainers. She actually called me twice asking for me to ride for her cause her current rider for a jumper can’t work a horse on the flat for shit. So I know a thing or two. Not a lot, just a thing or two.

While I was chatting with a woman she was telling me a story about how her daughter and she decided to go riding together. How precious-right? I can feel this already going somewhere I knew it shouldn’t. They went riding her daughter a mere 50 pounds, 10 years old and been riding over a year but once a week. Not very strong physically, however a very hardworking kid and quite brave for her age so when she gets older I could see her blossom into a good rider. The mother had been on a horse like a handful of times, and not within the past 20 years. Oh snap, this is going to be good right?

They decided on vacation they want to ride across that big open field together laughing with no helmets, no saddles and just ride like the wind. Sweet Jesus does that sound scary!

Any who the child goes off into the canter I am told on some big horse. Well that scares me because she barely can stay on pookie bear jr. So sending her off on a 16 hand anything makes me a little nervous, thank god I wasn’t watching. Moms horse takes off to follow because let’s get real horses are herd animals.

Horses when together if one goes they all go, sometimes broncing as little Suzy hangs on for dear life.

Let’s picture mother, not an avid equestrian at a forward canter (possibly a hand gallop because they are loose in a BIG field with just bridles on) flopping around like a ragdoll being tossed around, trying to hang on the 1,100 pound animal.

Holy shit is all I have to say. Oh. My. Gosh. I myself am scared sitting in my kitchen typing this currently.

The mother while trying to hang on makes it only so far before she falls off from a galloping horse and hits the ground landing less than four feet from a huge tree. Now could you imagine hitting that tree from a cantering or galloping horse? Let alone without a helmet on at that? I don’t think it would tickle, or as a student told me once “brighten someone’s day” I believe that child is right it will not brighten anyone’s day, what was she thinking? Let alone send your child off to do the same thing as well? Thank god the child and she are both fine, nothing broken.  I swear stupid people should not breed.