I have
tried this internet dating thing for a bit now, and I have to say it really is
still bull. When I first read these online profiles, I was excited! I thought
of it as basically boyfriend shopping, you see what you like, see what you
don’t, just pick through the men. See
who is cute, who has the perfect amount of sexy facial hair, which is tall
enough, and who has whatever it is your looking for. Sometimes I would just cut and paste the same
opening line to 10 different men and see who responds. I mean easy as cake so I
thought.
I think my
first online profile was on match.com years ago and let me tell you,
relationship wise I have not gotten any further. I have been on plenty of dates
(from internet and non internet) and still no luck. Loser, after loser, after
loser.
When
reading these profiles typically you see a few pictures that may (or may not)
catch your eye. Then I tend to scan on down, reading stat’s on them. See what
they enjoy for fun, what they do for a living, hopefully they have a car as
well. You read a bio on them and pray to god what you’re reading is the truth.
I myself don’t put false information on my profiles. I am real; honey I like to
be in the water swimming, kayaking, or skim boarding as much as I like to sit
my butt on the couch and eat a burrito from Chipotle. You should also be honest
enough to write that I expect. I can’t stand it when I see someone with ONE
picture of them hiking and acting like there so active. They try to present
themselves like they are so athletic when in reality there floppy butt hasn’t
hiked anywhere other than to the fridge from the couch. Than you two meet and
what happens; you find some frumpy floppy looking thing out of breath trying to
hike the Santa Monica Mountains because he was like “let’s go on a hike.” You
don’t hike the mountains in Malibu every weekend, bike 4 miles 3 times a week,
an avid runner 3 times a week and look
like that sweetie who are you fooling?
One guy
emailed me; we talked for about a week. Claimed oh he hikes Runyon all the
time, and is a celebrity makeup artist, loves the outdoors, and of course
presents himself in the best light. Ok we all want to but, again I am straight
honest and must remember not everyone else is.
We meet and
reality is he has no car, he said he would rather use a taxi. However his car
is in his parking spot all broken down. Than he boasts everyone comes to him,
he stays in his little Hollywood proximity because he wants to live in
“Hollywood” where the glitter falls from the sky I guess. Glitter must drizzle
on top of the homeless crack heads as well I imagine, Hollywood is so dirty. I am thinking how the hell do you get around
LA? If I can manage to support myself (in a profession that really is not a
real money maker anyway no man will be with me cause I have some good bank),
have an apartment, (although tiny) feed and pay my own bills myself, have a
stable job, enroll in school again to wrap up a degree, and support my damn
horse you better be able to do something productive with yourself.
The man works at a high end department store
where he sells Tom Ford make up; not sure where “celebrity makeup artist” ever
came in other than he did two celebrities make up before for an event. I
recently ran into him at the store shopping with a friend and all he could do
was name drop; Tyra Banks, Steve Martin and how great it is to see them. Like
he actually does lunch with Tyra? And please do you think I care? Literally I left work, had no change of clothes.
I am wearing my nasty horse slobbered breeches, slip on Ralph Lauren shoes
(that although used to be cute are no longer from wearing to work) and my arm
pits I could only imagine stunk, and wearing a hat walking through Neman Marcus
in Beverly Hills. Even my friend was a little embarrassed how awful I looked
but I couldn’t help it she wanted me to go so honey this is what’s up.
Now I am
not knocking him for what he does or how he lives but let’s be real and present
yourself accurately. If I do why can’t others? Again I am NOT in a profession
for which I ever expect to make really great money; I do it because I love
horses. I don’t have some great retirement fund that is doing oh so wonderful
currently; I work full time and am a student again. That equals not wealthy.
Needless to
say he got kicked to the curb real quick. He also was not that cute. You have
no bank, and you’re not cute, not a hard worker, I am sorry you have to go;
good day.
Laughed as usual -- I think all single people can relate. When I did the internet dating thing many years ago I had the same experience with straight men. All posers -- glam shots, talking about how romantic they are, looking to settled down, will treat you right, blah blah. You write to them and they come back with is sex talk right away. Can't blame them -- look at the soft porn pics all the women put on their profiles!
ReplyDeleteI almost gave up then saw a profile of a guy all dirty and gross from camping out. His pic showed him unshaven and shoving a gloppy hot dog in his mouth. There was mustard on his face even! I thought finally a real man who does not pretend to be something he is not. Turned out in person he was really hot and he told me he chose that picture to weed out the superficial women judging a guy by his pec shots. We dated for almost a year and he remains a really great friend to this day.
So the moral is if they look and sound like a fake they probably are liars or so stuck on themselves who wants them anyhow? Besides I am sure you'd want a guy who likes wieners too.